How to have healthy comparisons!
- Idala Ogufere
- Feb 17
- 3 min read
Updated: Mar 16
Welcome to a new week and my blog where we have unconventional deep conversations…

In the year 2000, my little brother and last baby was born, it dawned on me that my mum had her last baby when she was 31 years, never really crossed my mind until this moment as I thought of this topic- healthy comparisons, that I subconsciously compared my journey to my mum’s and thinking about the age when I had my last babies ( Read to the end to know how old I was😃)
Now, this story isn’t to make you feel pressured, but bring to light the subtle things we do that stress us and if you didn’t know the scripture about comparison in 2Corinthians 10:12 here you go…
12 For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise
So if Scripture tells us that if we compare ourselves to others we are basically fools, so why do we keep doing this-
Humans have an inherent tendency to compare themselves to others, a behavior extensively studied in psychology. In 1954, psychologist Leon Festinger introduced the social comparison theory, positing that individuals evaluate their own opinions and abilities by contrasting them with those of others. This process helps reduce uncertainty in self-assessment and provides a benchmark for self-improvement
For me, it was subconsciously thinking randomly about when my mum had her last baby and when I had mine, for you it might be career-related or even parenting, checking out the milestones of our children against society’s standards, so you see that we all do it anyways.
Engaging in social comparison is a natural human behavior, but managing it mindfully is essential for maintaining mental well-being.
Here are several strategies to foster healthy comparisons:
Cultivate Self-Awareness: Recognize when and why you're comparing yourself to others. Identifying triggers can help you understand underlying motivations and address them constructively.
Set Personal Goals: Focus on your own aspirations and define success on your terms. Pursuing personal objectives reduces the tendency to measure yourself against others. For me, I chose building family over career for now to nurture my neurodiverse sons & success is measured by family metrics. Some have chosen to combine family and work together beautifully, but our metrics & goals all differ.
Practice Gratitude: Regularly acknowledging what you're thankful for shifts attention from what you lack to what you have, diminishing the urge for unfavorable comparisons. I’d recommend you journal daily! It’s a game changer- this singular act of writing daily what I’m grateful for helped me genuinely appreciate the blessings in life, even if it’s waking and walking that I achieved through the day
Limit Social Media Exposure: Social media often presents curated versions of others' lives, leading to skewed comparisons. Taking regular breaks or curating your feed can mitigate negative impacts.
Engage in Upward Comparisons Constructively: When looking to those more skilled or successful, use their achievements as inspiration rather than a benchmark for self-criticism.
Build Supportive Relationships: Surround yourself with individuals who celebrate your successes and support your growth, fostering a positive environment that reduces harmful comparisons. This is one area I’m working on and praying for, especially in this new season of my life where I’m owning my unique calling. If you fall in this category, drop a comment and let’s check in on one another in the different seasons we all are in.
I pray that you are able to create the EDEN that God intended for you from the beginning of time and you will not be distracted and drained by the noise in the world.
Edit (March 16, 2025): A beautiful reader gave a feedback about me not completing my story about the age I was when I had my last babies, I honestly thought you all won’t be interested 😀
But here goes nothing, I was a week shy of my 33rd birthday when I had my twin boys💃
All my love🫶🏼
Idala
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